I'm 'Fine'I always say 'I'm fine'.I'm 'Fine' by 6YamiMarik6Lover6
But I never mean it.
It's just sorta became my answer to everything.
"I'm fine..", I say.
"Okay.", They say.
No explaination needed.
Because nobody could understand the reasoning behind my sad smile.
So I just carry on playing this pretentious game like nothing is wrong.
Because lying awake at 3AM in the middle of the night
is still easier
than opening up to anyone why I'm feeling this way.
AutismI like sparklesAutism by 6YamiMarik6Lover6
but I have an extreme aversion when it comes down to soap.
to fictional characters than actual real people.
most people I find
really like black-and-white pictures
I really love collours.
I have trouble speaking
what I really mean.
I find it
to say which ice-cream flavour I want
the ice-cream-man drives into the street, and even answering
I'm horrified at the thought of answering
I cannot make calls either.
But texting is
I have great difficulty understanding/seeing and remembering
I constantly mix up the directions and it
I also find it hard to distinguish
I have an unusual
I look down at the
or in another
when I'm spoken to.
I don't like to be
in any other way at all,
but I make
for good friends and best friends.
I do enjoy being
Autobiography: Unfinished.I would call it "Unfinished." Because it ended too soon way before its' time.Autobiography: Unfinished. by 6YamiMarik6Lover6
Because an Autobiography should contain most details about one's life,
and it should be long too. I think it should be long.
I think it should include all the important events that shaped the person into who they became in the end.
I think it's also fairly important to include the people one loved, hated, lost.
But I'm afraid my time ended somewhere in the near beginning.
For so far,
I've died three deaths.
Although I'm not entirely convinced that is the truth because for half of my life I've been feeling like I died all over again every day.
But lets just say that there's been things that have happened to me which were so bad, they killed me.
I was only 13 when I first died, and it wasn't long before I found my second death, (or did it find me?) because I died yet again at the age of 16.
And the last death? Well that one hasn't happened yet but it's my suicide.
I believe that when you die by suicide, your li
My current best friend.I hate favouring one friend above the other.My current best friend. by 6YamiMarik6Lover6
It makes me feel cruel and it makes me feel as if I'm sending some kind of signal
towards my other friends that says "I don't really love you that much anyway."
I'm afraid they might feel left out and unvalued.
I like to think that I love and value all my friends equally,
even if there are friends that I talk more to than some other friends.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't love them or care for them,
like I love and care about the one's that I do get to talk to on a daily basis.
What makes someone my best friend anyway?
Can't they all be my best friend?
Can I only have one?
Is it possible to have two, three? Even ten?
But I am afraid if I label too many people as my best friend,
the whole term will lose it's meaning..
How much time should pass before I'm lucky and blessed enough to call somebody my best friend?
Does it take a lifetime?
sometimes I meet people for the first time and there'
|I don't have the bank-passes that DA requirers for payment. That's why I need you guys to help me reach my goal. I don't mind writing a fanfic, doing photo-manipulation and|or drawings so |
COMISSIONS ARE OPEN ^^
I'll just hope that someday I'll reach my goal. .
And if there is any people out there who are giving that would be very nice and appreaciated, I'll love you forever
COMISSION PRICES IF ANYONE IS INTRESTED:
~One drawing is 3 points. .
~An extra point for every aditional character.
~Photomanipulation is 2 points.
~A short fanfiction is 3 points, a meduim is 6 and a long is 10
I will be using the points to give people I look up to an 1-year premuimship, hoping to show them that way what they mean to me. If I have any points too much, I will be using that to buy DA-gifts for my friends or maybe donate them to a group for contests ^^
I think 38,336 is the ammount of Points that I need to give all 16 people an 1~year premuim account.
I calculated it with Google. .
If you give me a point, I will go to your page, give you a Llama, go trough your entire Gallary and fave everything that I like about it, and if you're really to my style, I will add you to my Watch~List. I'm an active watcher! :3
All of the point donators get automaticly a Feature of their channel in this thing ^^
Please, pleaseeeeeeee donate T_T
People I intend to give a 12-month premuim account someday:
Feature for the people who helped me, Thanks! :
[Reminder to self ~ Feature some works of in my journal when I have a premuim membership, as a 'thank you' for featuring me]
[Another reminder to self ~ Feature 3 works of in my journal when I have a premuim membership as a 'thank you' for featuring me]
10th of November 2013
Today, around 3 PM, I lost one of the most, beautiful, honest, courageous and strongest souls I’ve ever known in my entire life; My best friend Fluffy.
He succumbed to complications due to a very, very severe cold he got earlier this week.
It started 4 days ago.
His nose was dense and completely stuffed and runny.. He had difficulties eating and drinking which resulted in him losing weight at an incredible rapid speed, he was eating only a couple of bites a day and that was by far not enough to provide him of the strength that he needed in order to recover.
We decided to give it time because when you’re so sick the way he was you don’t want anything. You don’t want food or water or anything else, you just want to be left alone and rest. And if he doesn’t eat for a day it’s fine and understandable. But if he doesn’t start eating again in 2 days my mom would need to force-feed him.
Yesterday he got weaker and in the late-afternoon (7-8 PM) he got a couple of “Seizures” because he didn’t have enough strength to stand or sit or lay on his own without falling over to one side. I texted my mom who was out bowling like she always does on Saturday and she texted back that she was going to get baby-food for him. That night we attempted to give him some but he only wanted very little of it and after that he decided it was enough and he refused to cooperate when it came to food for the most part. He did much better with water.
But today he wouldn’t do anything anymore. This morning, he still showed that combativeness and my mom told me he protested when she tried to free the area around his nose from scobs and snot.
He was now incredibly skinny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more malnourished than I did today.. There was absolutely nothing left in his stomach. His strength was gone. His body was shutting down and he just laid there, leaning against one of the pillows on the couch and despite that he still prolapsed until he laid completely to one side. I’ve moved him a couple of times, trying to figure out what would be the best position to sit for him to make him more comfortable.. I had him on my lap for a while, but he prolapsed. I had him sitting next to me, hoping my leg would be of any support, but he prolapsed. I placed him on a towel because it has a better structure than the bumpy blanket that I currently use to keep myself warm on the couch. That seemed to look better.
30 minutes before his passing, my mom attempted to give him food again but this time he would hardly respond if any response was given at all. Same with the water. And then we discovered he had no teeth anymore, but he did still have his teeth this morning. So I said “Wait, what? Let me look. That’s not possible.” I honestly thought that she was trying to come up with some kind of joke or something to lighten the mood so I peeked into his mouth and nothing. I saw NO teeth at all. Only gum, but not a single teeth. He had also been having his smell of ammoniac since 2 days so I knew that everything was going really really bad.
So then I put him back on the towel and I thought about putting him down. I couldn’t let him live like this. Not being able to move, not being able to eat or drink and not even being able to lie and rest up without falling to one side. Basically his body gave up on him and life even before he did.
Then some of his body started twitching a tiny little bit. Like the kind that one can get when you’re about to fall asleep and not even 5 seconds after that his breathing stopped and that was it. Poof. Gone. Just like that. He died. He faded from existence.
I grabbed him and held him in my hands/arms and I cried.
He died a merciful death. He didn’t choke, he didn’t panic, he didn’t feel any pain. It was like going to sleep for him. He fell unconscious and he never suffered from breathing that got cut of or going into a seizure. The exact kind of death that I had pictured for him. He’s already had enough ordeals and pain in this life, his death was smoothly and very fast.
My dear Fluffy-Ball.
Thanks for all the fond memories and amazing times we had together. You were a big part of my life and I won’t ever forget how you were there for me when nobody else was. I wouldn’t be here today if it hadn’t been for you. And you’ve proved all the vets wrong with their “He must be put down”-crap.
??~04~04 - 10-11-13
¤ Lyn-Lyn or Li 💕 ¤ 25 ¤ ♀ ¤ ♍
Requiescat In Pace, you beautiful Sir.
_______❋??/03/04❋ - ✞10/11/13✞_______
If you give me a Llama I will always return the favour~
FAVORITE CHARACTERS <3
"I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to say.
I am afraid you don't want me to say anything.
So I don't.
But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.
And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you.
And how I love you despite my broken heart.
And how I need you in my life.
And especially how much I want you.
But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.
Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too...
but I'll never know."
~Author Unknown to C/L