Betrayals' sacrifice.

Don't tell the world it was suicide when it was you who took away my choice.

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Dear mom,
I am sick because of you. I have been sick for about 15 years because of you. I sacrificed everything for you, because I believed in you. I believed you were the one person who would never betray me, no matter what. LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME, I am like this because of you. I AM LIKE THIS BECAUSE OF YOU.

I have always been there for you. And I have always been the one who put faith in you like no other. I warned you when it was my time to go to high school. My exact words were that I wasn’t ready, that I needed another year on primary school because this was simply not my time and I had an intuitive gut-feeling that I was going to be destroyed if I was to start high school. You forced me to go anyway and while I knew it would be my downfall I still put 100% trust in you, that you’d be there for me if things should go wrong and fall apart.

You weren’t there. You were not there for me at all. You watched me fall and now you pretend like that is nothing. As if I’m overreacting. You never tried to understand me or what I was going through. My teen-years were nothing like yours. I’ve been through hell and for 4 years I had to face everything on my own. I was entirely alone in my time of need. And that’s why I started cutting. I didn’t have anything else, the only alternate option I had left was suicide.

You, my best friend, my role model, you had betrayed me. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, you worsened the situation and me by following/agreeing with society. Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Your child is dying from the inside-out and the only thing you worry about when it comes down to me are my looks? So I cut off my cluttered hair and you thought that would make me better when that was the least of my problems. MY FACE IS ENTIRELY SCARRED BECAUSE OF THE ACNE OUTBREAKS!

I was in so much mental and emotional pain… You cannot possibly image. And yet you never even thought about diving deeper into the matter of why I was becoming a complete mess when I could have had just about everything go right for me. If only you would have had my back for that split second in the beginning. I am forever changed by what happened to me. Sometimes I feel like I morphed from Yugi Moto into Yami Marik.

After 3 years you had me change school but I was already too far gone. And everyone, as well as you went on with their superficial shallowness how I should take care of myself. Like.. I cannot even…! How? How can that be the first thing on your mind when your child has been depressed and suicidal for 3 and a half years?

Sorry, but you don’t get to be a dick and complain about the way I am and say it’s difficult and bothersome to have a daughter who is cutting herself, has depression, has PTSD, is suicidal, has a burn-out and developed anxiety when YOU are part of the reason why my life has folded out the way it has. When you have left me in a VERY surrealistic PTSD-situation ON MY OWN. If I hadn’t had Fluffy last year, I wouldn’t have even made it to this year.

Still...
The best you could do was call me a manipulator a few days before you left. Really?
Do you think suicide is some kind of funny joke to me?

I hate you and I will never forgive you!


You killed your daughter!
whether I end up killing myself or not. I’m already dead inside and it’s your fault.

It’s your fault.